Caring for Someone
Support for people caring for someone who is dying.
Can a family member contact a VAD service on my behalf?
Yes, a family member, friend or carer can usually contact a VAD care navigator service to ask for general information.
7 min readCan children be present during a VAD death?
Children may be able to be present during a voluntary assisted dying (VAD) death, but this needs careful planning.
6 min readCan family play music, have a meal or perform a ceremony during a VAD death?
Often, yes.
2 min readCan I decide not to return to hospital?
A person with capacity can usually decide not to return to hospital, but they need a clear home care and emergency plan.
4 min readCan I give water to someone who is having trouble swallowing?
Water may be unsafe if a dying person is too sleepy or weak to swallow properly.
5 min readCan someone really die at home with proper medical support?
Yes.
4 min readCan someone who is unconscious still hear me?
A dying person who cannot respond may still be able to hear or sense calm voices and touch.
5 min readDo I need to call 000 or the police after an expected death at home?
Usually, no.
4 min readDo I need to keep turning someone if moving them causes pain?
If turning causes pain near the end of life, ask the care team to adjust the plan so comfort comes first.
2 min readHow do families cope with knowing the exact date of a VAD death?
Knowing the planned date of a VAD death can help some families prepare, but it can also create pressure, dread and complex grief.
4 min readHow do I change sheets when someone cannot get out of bed?
Sheets can often be changed by rolling the person gently from side to side, but ask for help if movement causes pain or feels unsafe.
4 min readHow do I do mouth care for someone who is dying?
Mouth care can ease dryness and keep a dying person comfortable when they are eating and drinking very little.
4 min readHow do I know when to give breakthrough medicines at home?
Give breakthrough medicine only when the person's written plan says it is needed for the symptom you are seeing.
4 min readHow do I manage toileting when someone can no longer get out of bed?
Toileting in bed can be managed with continence aids, equipment, careful skin care and help from the care team.
4 min readHow do I prevent pressure sores when someone is dying?
Pressure sore prevention near death should protect skin while keeping the person as comfortable as possible.
4 min readHow do I tell my children that someone they love is dying?
Tell children the truth in clear, gentle words.
4 min readHow often should I turn someone who is dying in bed?
Turning someone who is dying should balance skin protection with comfort, pain, breathlessness and the person's wishes.
6 min readIs a VAD death usually peaceful?
Many families and clinicians expect a voluntary assisted dying (VAD) death to be calm, planned and private.
2 min readIs it normal to feel relief as well as grief after a VAD death?
Yes, relief and grief can happen together after a VAD death, especially when someone had been suffering or the family had been under strain.
4 min readMy loved one is dying. What does that mean for intimacy between us?
Intimacy can still matter when someone is dying, but it may need to change with energy, privacy, symptoms, consent and comfort.
4 min readShould children visit someone who is dying?
Children can visit someone who is dying if they want to, the visit is safe, and they are prepared for what they may see.
4 min readShould I call an ambulance if someone is expected to die at home?
Not automatically.
4 min readShould I keep talking to someone who is unconscious and dying?
Yes, if it feels right, keep speaking calmly to a dying person who cannot answer.
4 min readWhat are anticipatory medicines and why have they been prescribed?
Anticipatory medicines are medicines prescribed in advance in case symptoms happen suddenly, especially when someone is being cared for at home near the end of life.
4 min readWhat can I use for a very dry mouth at the end of life?
A very dry mouth near the end of life can often be eased with gentle mouth care, moist swabs and lip care.
4 min readWhat equipment can I get to help care for someone dying at home?
Equipment for dying at home may include a hospital bed, commode, pressure mattress, slide sheets and continence supplies.
4 min readWhat happens if the family disagrees about treatment at the end of life?
If family members disagree about treatment at the end of life, the first step is usually a careful meeting with the treating team.
5 min readWhat happens immediately after someone dies at home?
If the death was expected, there is usually no need to call `000` or the police straight away.
5 min readWhat help is available if I have to stop working to care for someone who is dying?
If you need to stop work or reduce hours to care for someone who is dying, help may include workplace leave, flexible work discussions, Centrelink carer payments, Carer Gateway support, respite, social work help and financial counselling.
4 min readWhat should children expect when they visit someone who is dying?
Children should be told, in plain words, what may be different before they visit someone who is dying.
5 min readWhat should we organise after being told someone may only have months to live?
If someone may only have months to live, start with the supports that affect comfort, decision-making and safety: medical contacts, palliative care, medicines, home support, legal and financial documents, carer support, and the person's wishes for care.
2 min readWhat support is available for families after a VAD death?
Families after a VAD death can seek support from palliative care, VAD services, GPs, grief services, counselling, spiritual care and crisis lines.
5 min readWhat support is needed for someone to die at home?
Someone dying at home usually needs a planned mix of medical care, nursing support, practical help, equipment, medicines, after-hours advice and family or friend support.
4 min readWhen should I call the palliative care team?
Call the palliative care team when symptoms change, medicines are not working as expected, the care plan is unclear, equipment is not working, or you are worried about the person or your ability to keep caring safely.
4 min readWho decides when family members disagree about end-of-life care?
When family members disagree, the decision-maker is not automatically the loudest person, the closest relative in a social sense, or a family vote.
4 min readWhy are a dying person's hands and feet becoming cold?
Cold hands and feet near death often happen because blood flow to the skin and limbs is slowing.
4 min readWhy do a dying person's eyes sometimes stay partly open?
A dying person's eyes may stay partly open because the eyelid muscles relax and blinking becomes less frequent.
4 min readWhy does a dying person's jaw move with each breath?
Jaw movement with each breath can happen when a dying person's breathing muscles are very weak.
4 min readWhy does a dying person's mouth stay open?
A dying person's mouth may stay open because the face and jaw muscles relax as the body becomes weaker.
4 min readWhy does someone who is dying become incontinent?
Incontinence near death can happen because the person is weak, sleepy, less aware and losing muscle control.
4 min readWhy is a dying person staring into the distance?
A dying person may stare into the distance because they are very tired, less aware, delirious, or unable to focus their eyes normally.
4 min readWhy is a dying person's skin becoming blotchy or purple?
Blotchy or purple skin near death often happens because circulation is slowing and blood is not reaching the skin evenly.