Talking About Dying
Conversations with family, children and treating teams.
Can a family member contact a VAD service on my behalf?
Yes, a family member, friend or carer can usually contact a VAD care navigator service to ask for general information.
7 min readCan children be present during a VAD death?
Children may be able to be present during a voluntary assisted dying (VAD) death, but this needs careful planning.
6 min readCan family play music, have a meal or perform a ceremony during a VAD death?
Often, yes.
5 min readCan I apply for VAD even if I am not sure I will use it?
In places where voluntary assisted dying (VAD) is operating, a person can usually ask for information, start the process, and later decide not to continue.
2 min readCan someone receive palliative care while pursuing VAD?
Yes, a person can usually receive palliative care while asking about or going through the VAD process.
4 min readCan someone seem better shortly before they die?
Yes, some people seem briefly better before death, but the whole pattern usually matters more than one good spell.
4 min readCan someone who is unconscious still hear me?
A dying person who cannot respond may still be able to hear or sense calm voices and touch.
6 min readDo I ask my GP about VAD?
Yes, you can ask your GP about voluntary assisted dying (VAD).
5 min readDoes asking for information about VAD count as my formal first request?
Usually, asking for information about voluntary assisted dying (VAD) is not the same as making a formal first request.
5 min readHow do I actually get palliative care?
The most common way to get palliative care is to ask the person's GP, specialist, hospital team, community nurse or other health provider for a referral.
4 min readHow do I tell my children that someone they love is dying?
Tell children the truth in clear, gentle words.
5 min readHow early should I start the VAD process?
If voluntary assisted dying (VAD) may matter to you, ask for information early.
2 min readIs it normal to feel relief as well as grief after a VAD death?
Yes, relief and grief can happen together after a VAD death, especially when someone had been suffering or the family had been under strain.
4 min readMy loved one is dying. What does that mean for intimacy between us?
Intimacy can still matter when someone is dying, but it may need to change with energy, privacy, symptoms, consent and comfort.
4 min readShould children visit someone who is dying?
Children can visit someone who is dying if they want to, the visit is safe, and they are prepared for what they may see.
4 min readShould I keep talking to someone who is unconscious and dying?
Yes, if it feels right, keep speaking calmly to a dying person who cannot answer.
6 min readWhat exact words do I need to say to ask about VAD?
You do not usually need magic words to ask about voluntary assisted dying (VAD).
4 min readWhat happens if the family disagrees about treatment at the end of life?
If family members disagree about treatment at the end of life, the first step is usually a careful meeting with the treating team.
2 min readWhat if I want VAD but do not qualify?
If you want VAD but do not qualify, you can ask why, check review options, and still receive palliative care and other end-of-life support.
4 min readWhat is a terminal rally?
A terminal rally is a short period where a dying person seems more awake, settled or energetic before declining again.
4 min readWhat is terminal lucidity?
Terminal lucidity means a short return of clearer thinking or communication in someone who is close to death.
4 min readWhat should children expect when they visit someone who is dying?
Children should be told, in plain words, what may be different before they visit someone who is dying.
5 min readWhat support is needed for someone to die at home?
Someone dying at home usually needs a planned mix of medical care, nursing support, practical help, equipment, medicines, after-hours advice and family or friend support.
7 min readWho can be present during a VAD death?
The person choosing voluntary assisted dying (VAD) usually decides who they want with them, if anyone.
4 min readWho decides when family members disagree about end-of-life care?
When family members disagree, the decision-maker is not automatically the loudest person, the closest relative in a social sense, or a family vote.
4 min readWhy has someone who is dying suddenly become more awake and energetic?
A short burst of energy near death can happen, but it usually does not mean the illness is reversing.
2 min readWill my palliative care team judge me if I ask about VAD?
You can ask about VAD without having to justify your values, and your team should respond respectfully even if some staff do not participate.
2 min readWill my palliative care team still care for me if I ask about VAD?
A palliative care team should keep caring for you if you ask about VAD, although individual staff may have different roles or objections.