How do families cope with knowing the exact date of a VAD death?
Knowing the planned date of a VAD death can help some families prepare, but it can also create pressure, dread and complex grief.
Knowing the planned date of a VAD death can be both helpful and painful. Some families use the time to say what matters, gather people, plan rituals and make practical arrangements. Others feel dread as the date gets closer.
There is no single right way to cope.
General information: This page gives general information for people in Australia. VAD processes differ between states and territories. If grief or distress feels unsafe, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or 000 in an immediate emergency.
Before the date
It can help to ask the person what they want. They may want visitors, music, prayer, privacy, favourite food, letters, photos or quiet. They may also change their mind.
Families can ask the VAD team what will happen on the day, who can be present, and what signs to expect.
The date can feel heavy
Some people count down. Some feel calm until the final day and then overwhelmed. Some feel relief that there is a plan. These reactions can exist together.
Try to share tasks. One person should not have to manage all visitors, medicines, phone calls, paperwork and emotions.
After the death
The known date may make anniversaries strong. Support can help if memories of the day keep replaying, if family conflict continues, or if guilt feels hard to carry.
You may also want to read
- What actually happens on the day of a VAD death?
- Can family play music, have a meal or perform a ceremony during a VAD death?
- What support is available for families after a VAD death?